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not then

by ariadne mila

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about

I wrote “not then” because I really needed a bit of a reminder to be confident in the decisions I’ve made in my life, and the boundaries I’ve chosen to set. I think we’re often shamed for this kind of thing; we’re inundated with messages to put our own needs last, and we’re made to feel bad when we want to say no or let go of the things that no longer serve us. Especially as women, we’re conditioned to be sacrificial and we’re taught that we must be some kind of selfless superwoman in order to be loved and valued.

This song is important to me, because it’s a little reminder to myself that the most important thing is self-love. That putting yourself first is not something to feel guilty about. That it’s ok to be unapologetic about honoring the boundaries you’ve set. That every decision you’ve made, is something you’ve made for yourself--and that any decisions you make onward, should be true to yourself. Writing this song was so therapeutic for me, and I hope that it can serve as a little reminder to you as well--that you are worthy of putting yourself first, honoring your needs, and loving yourself.

lyrics

Hey, yeah I'm still all right
Been opening my eyes
Yeah, suddenly I find
You're not living in my mind
Back to when we were young
You and me, so love drunk
One word, you could leave me crushed
We needed us way too much

And I know that I
Never said goodbye
Not the biggest crime
Ever made
And I didn't know
What I didn't know
And I had to go
My own way

If I could take it back
I wouldn't change my mind
Drew my line in the sand
To leave it all behind
And I don't feel so bad
I used to be so blind
And maybe now I could love without losing myself
But not then

But not then

Yeah, looking back at us
I gave up way too much
But now I've had enough
Won't even give a single fuck
What did we even have?
Over before it began
And I'm not even sad
Closed the door, never looked back

And I needed to
Not be needing you
And I needed to
Walk alone
And I realize
That I kinda like
Being all on my
On my own

If I could take it back
I wouldn't change my mind
Drew my line in the sand
To leave it all behind
And I don't feel so bad
I used to be so blind
And maybe now I could love without losing myself
But not then

But not then
Ooh, but not then
And maybe now I could love without losing myself
But not then

credits

released August 6, 2021
songwriter: Ariadne Aberin
mixing/mastering engineer: Charlie Vela

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all rights reserved

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about

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ariadne mila Austin, Texas

songwriter and artist from south texas (like...further south than you think). fil-am. professional oversharer. Jollibee connoisseur.

linktr.ee/ariadne.mila

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