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less than a memory

by ariadne mila

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about

I wrote this song after a falling out with someone I really cared about. In hindsight, this shouldn't have been surprising, and there were obvious signs that this person didn't really care about me as much I'd wanted them to. I think for a long time, I had been holding out hope that this person would kind of see me in the way I wanted them to. I felt like so much of what I thought I wanted was tied up with this person. And so after the falling out, the only way I felt like I could really cope was to just shut off all the memories. Forget they existed, forget how I felt about them. And throw myself into other things. Kind of like, in The Vampire Diaries, where vampires turn off their humanity when they don't want to experience the pain that comes with grief and loss. That's kind of what I did. I pretended like I was ok, and I set new goals for myself that had nothing to do with other people. I wrote a lot. I read a lot. And I think that was good for me, to fill my time with things I valued and loved. But at the same time, I think there's also a point where you realize that maybe, the defense mechanisms you put up stem from the fact that you repressed the pain from this experience. This song is about moving on, and about forgetting because that's the only thing you can really do to be ok. But it also shows that there's a lot of pain behind choosing to do this. You might pretend to be strong and shut off your feelings and shut off the pain - but that doesn't mean it's not there.

lyrics

One word to throw it all away
Truth hurts but nothing left to say

And I won’t tear you down
I won’t go too far
I won’t make you pay

Just gonna turn around
Erase it all till you’re less than a memory
‘Cause it’s the only way to survive

Until I don’t need no one to feel, to feel like I’m alive
Until I grow my wings out of steel
And no one else can help me fly

One name that I will never say
Truth hurts but you’re the one to blame

And I won’t tear you down
And you won’t make me cry
And I won’t make you pay

Just gonna turn around
Erase it all till you’re less than a memory
‘Cause it’s the only way to survive

Until I don’t need no one to feel, to feel like I’m alive
Until I grow my wings out of steel
And no one else can help me fly
And all I know is nothing’s weighing me down no more
And I, I don’t, I don’t remember your face at all

Don’t remember your face at all
Leave it all behind
Don’t remember your face at all
‘Cause it’s the only way to survive

Until I don’t need no one to feel, to feel like I’m alive
Until I grow my wings out of steel
And no one else can help me fly
And all I know, nothing’s weighing me down no more
And I, I don’t, I don’t remember your face at all

credits

released January 14, 2022
Songwriter: Ariadne Aberin
Mixing/Mastering: Charlie Vela

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ariadne mila Austin, Texas

songwriter and artist from south texas (like...further south than you think). fil-am. professional oversharer. Jollibee connoisseur.

linktr.ee/ariadne.mila

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